


Howl to the Heavens

by Meatball42



Series: Howl to the Heavens [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005), Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Basically, Fictional Religion & Theology, Gen, Guilt, Hopeful Ending, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Righteous Man Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 19:50:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5797561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meatball42/pseuds/Meatball42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two servants of the Plan are the only ones who can understand each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Howl to the Heavens

**Author's Note:**

> This story is the origin of an unfinished Canon Divergence I dreamed up that begins during the Godstiel sequence of episodes. Although it got more complicated, originally this was meant to be a justification for the resurrection of Gabriel, and then I was like 'but how about Balthazar and Rachel and Benny even Ellen and Jo and everyone else I like who got killed off you bastard SPN writers.' At least two more stories in this 'verse are going to be posted at some point, but the whole huge series of plot arcs I'd planned are, thanks to fickle muses, not meant to be.

The change within Him was unbelievable. The energy of the souls contained within Castiel's vessel was like a supernova of Grace, and every other spark of life and power became like ants in his path. The ability to demolish cities and tear down mountains with a thought was heady, but Castiel was not a cruel God. He could see every second of time from the moment His Father created the universe, right up until it all ended, and everything was within His power.

Castiel performed acts of goodness and mercy upon the deserving, the faithful, and He wielded His sword against those who caused misery or perverted His word for their own ends. The angels fell into line, or they were destroyed. Their new Lord would not allow His own fellows- His own children- to disobey His orders, not when they couldn't possibly understand His motives.

For the universe was far bigger than Castiel had imagined before He became God; it reached further into the darkness than the angels dreamed. Although they were aware of the other planets besides Earth, they were ignorant of the immense reach of their Father's creation. Earth was the beginning, the blessed, and that was why God had loved it most, but He left to create more worlds modeled after Earth, and He trusted Castiel to maintain it.

Even with Castiel's new powers, His Father was so far away that He was beyond Castiel's reach, and no one could understand the responsibility He held. No one, until the Wolf.

She had always been there, of course, but she did not appear to Him until a time when He sat atop Kilimanjaro, pondering why His friends had tried to have Him reaped by Death. He was at once sitting on a cold, ice-covered boulder and everywhere in the immediate galaxy, and so was she.

"I know," the Wolf introduced herself sympathetically. "They can't just take your word for it."

"I have trusted them with every precious thing I have ever known," Castiel told her, "and now I ask them to trust me, and they refuse. I ask them to love me, as I have loved them, and they refuse. I have made the Earth safer, more honest," Castiel insisted. "I destroyed angels who had ignored Our Father's messages of love and peace. Why can't they see that?"

"They can't understand." The golden light of the Wolf, different in composition but not in strength from that which flowed through Castiel's being, swirled around Him and squeezed. "You and I, we see all of Time and Space. We see the fabric of reality, the Plan. It's up to us to make it happen."

"How do you do it?" Castiel begged, turning to the Wolf.

Her blonde hair thrashed in the unfelt icy winds, her eyes glowing. "You will have to do unspeakable things to fulfill your role, and when you return to your mortal form, you will not understand why."

"But... I am acting with righteousness!" Castiel protested.

"You will see your own actions as mass murder, as cruelty, as hubris, just like they do." The Wolf spoke with gentleness and compassion. "I will be able to forget my deeds when I return to my life, for a time. As an angel of the Lord, you will not have that advantage."

For the first time in weeks, Castiel felt the cold, and He shivered.

"I... I will hate myself."

The Wolf sighed. "I am everywhere and can see everything. I committed genocide, saving uncountable lives. I condemned my friend to a terrible fate, but it made the universe a better place millions of times over. Later, I lived with myself by remembering the truly good deeds I performed."

"What good deeds could balance out the guilt?"

"My friends who I hurt, I led them to good friends, loyal and true. I protected innocents, nourished peaceful communities. For every evil being I struck down in righteousness I raised up a good one in penance."

Castiel pondered. "I have killed many angels and humans. I have hurt the people I loved. I know it is necessary, but even now, I feel... sadness."

"Everything you have done has been in the present time," the Wolf told him. "You have travelled in time, but you are not used to it. Go back in time, go forwards. Make up for the destruction that this moment required with love and freedom in others."

"But why must I feel guilt? Everything I have done will lead to peace, every death I have caused will encourage harmony, every person I have hurt will heal and be better for it. Why must I hate myself for following my Father's plan?"

The Wolf tossed her head, shivering with Castiel's emotions. "Because rightness comes from the Lord, but righteousness comes from the heart." Her claws dug into the rock upon which they sat. "We know that what we are doing is right because we are close to Him now. But later, when we return to our mortal selves, our hearts will recoil from the necessity of our actions. God is loving, but His methods are not always gentle."

She stood, hair whipping about her like wings. "Take comfort in performing acts of good. They, too, will be necessary in God's plan."

She left.

Castiel acted.


End file.
